Horton Bay July 4 celebration

Event organizers in Horton Bay have announced tentative plans for a Fourth of July celebration.


Local Community Tentatively Announces Independence Day Celebration

Amid all the doom and gloom of COVID-19, there is good news. Perhaps great news!

While we all await a COVID-19 vaccination promised by year’s end, the free spirits of Horton Bay announce a Fourth of July Celebration like no other. With overwhelming community support, the locals will host “Noodle Day.” The shortened parade will begin and end around 1 p.m.

This year’s family-friendly Independence Day Parade—a decades-long blockbuster event—will feature none of the traditional parade floats created by area residents. That’s right, you won’t see Hillary Clinton locked-up in a small steel jail cell pulled behind a rusty pickup. Nor will parade goers see “the Donald,” tightly grasping his orange wig amid the prevailing southwest winds.

But, and this is a big butt, the socially distant celebration will be like no other experienced in the history of God’s star-spangled nation that we all call home.

This year, the non-parade parade will be better than ever—with live music by performers of Horton Creek Blue Grass Band (those not in quarantine), free ice-cream cones for everyone (generously donated by the Horton Bay General Store), and the most important ingredient of all—HEAD-TOPPING, RED, WHITE, AND BLUE SWIM NOODLES for social distancing.

These festive, 5’ hat-toppers will be given, free of charge, to the first 150 arriving in the Bay. Parade goers will also receive a hand-held American flag to proudly display for years and years to come. No cover charge, no admission fee—just a guaranteed, rain-free, blue-sky afternoon, as always in this “Ernest” of all places.

The Horton Bay Parade Company—not a 501 (c) 3 organization dedicated to the betterment of any society except its own—is fully funding this event. Its only mission: to bring smiles and laughter amid uncertain times, along with a raspberry salute to the “Noodle Heads” in Lansing.

Chip Lorenger, owner and proprietor of the historic Horton Bay General Store which dates back to 1876, said simply this: “Here in Horton Bay, we encourage people to touch their own noodle as much as they want, but this year, please don’t touch anyone else’s. We are committed to keeping the virus at bay—especially in Horton Bay. Unlike downstate, we have not lost our noodles!”

And here’s the best news of all: Organizers have confirmed that the parade will end, as it always does with a crowd-pleasing performance of the “Dancing American Flag”—this year to the patriotic music of “God Bless America.” And to top off the shortened event will be the parade finale: “Until the Fat Lady Sings.” We’re hoping he/she will be wearing her custom-designed “quarantine bikini” with matching facemask.

Bring your lawn chairs, along with a hat, bathing cap, or helmet to attach your noodle (duct tape provided)! All are welcome.


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