OPINION: Epstein Mystery Theater

By Mitch MacKay, East Jordan

WHODUNNIT? SHERLOCK HOLMES WOULD KNOW. “It’s elementary, Watson,” as he would say, “had those bloody bunglers not scattered the clues we’d have it resolved already.”


Look here, the facts, man, the facts. This fellow was all alone in a solitary cell within a cellblock that was impervious to entry other than by those in charge of keeping the facility impervious to entry or exit but for their assistance.

Thereby we have the first clue:  assistance.  Then we walk it back to the known statement about Jeffrey Epstein having been released from suicide watch some day-and-a-half before being found unresponsive, a suggestion, not a clue. 

Given the overall circumstances of this case we find many reasons by many persons for wanting Epstein dead.

First, we subtract the general prison population since they are known to detest child molesters hence want them dead but none were reported within propinquity at the death.

Second, we take those who might be investigated further as to affiliations with Epstein with regard to child abuse and perhaps money involvements, they being a small but influential assemblage.

As to those who might want Epstein alive to face court proceedings, those are a rather large number respectively as we are somewhat apprised, namely victims, families thereof, the watchful agencies overseeing such things, the law itself in all its ramifications.

So far as we know, those latter had no access thus no bearing upon the untimely death because except for a lawyer for the deceased none were present nor allowed proximity to him.  Only the guards and the oversight committee, that is, the Department of Justice, prison management, were, and of course Executive Officials in charge of that agency, a consortium of high-ranking elected and selected individuals.

We see the plot, ah, ha, ha, thickening, Watson. 

Moreover, we take as general knowledge that Epstein would have had clothing and bedsheets in his cubicle but nothing on which to attach a noose, no bars, no light fixture, quite an austere surrounding, all fixtures firmly attached to the floor and walls otherwise, in short, no way for a man to hang himself because there was nothing available of enough height to which to affix anything inducing strangulation of the neck.

Thereby, apart from actual attempt to swallow something which would cut off air supply, which as yet is unmentioned in autopsy, there would be no way for a man for kill himself in such atmosphere.

And there was evidently no single or multiple video camera surveillance for that cell, a very telling factor, Watson.

That leaves only homicide. Of suspects we have many – prompted by those wanting his silence – guards, other prison personnel, deliverymen and utility servicemen, psychologists, and the cynical possibility of directives from higher office to such personnel through the oversight committee of the facility confining Epstein.

Since the process is now the jurisdiction of Forensic Coroners, we then attempt to ascertain the legitimacy of that person or crew, for there is surely more than one person involved.

Such personnel are trained professionals, doctors, nurses, physician assistants, attendants and so on, all under auspices of the Department of Justice.

Where does that leave us then?

Why, the Justice Department itself and its employees, of course, inclusive of those guards on duty and the prison oversight committee with orders from headquarters as it were and must be.

There come no other answers to this riddle, thus in lieu of accepting conundrum as outcome, we turn to logistics for an answer. 

Clearly Jeffrey Epstein also had great reason to want himself dead, he facing life in prison with no chance of parole ever and the hostile disdain of all those around him, a Hell on Earth as it were and surely would be.

However, as we deduce, he could not realistically have done so to himself lest traces of the act be apparent to not only immediate guards but forensic science.

We thereby extrapolate that the forensic team had been apprised of the want of finding no trace of murder but some means of suicide concocted, for this the public awaits, but the result will predictably be unsubstantiated in provable evidence.

Such is the administration overseeing this affair which could indeed lead directly to the overseer himself, the president-elect who blames who?

Why, a former president, of course.

Thus, a trail of suspectability, Watson, a coined word, ah, ha, ha, commonly alluded to as “usual suspects,” in this case though perhaps unusual lest we refer to Totalitarianism. 

Inmates do conjure remarkable communications systems as we know, but as to actual murder or suicide, the limitations are overwhelming in this case.  We therefore look outside the cell for culprits.

There are many.

Within that coalition shall be found our culprit.


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